


the stars don't shine as bright as you

by minhyukkus (showhyuk)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Joohyuk Bingo, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, city life, so I read chap 331 of haikyuu nd was like?? stars?? joohyuk?? u betcha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 13:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17142536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showhyuk/pseuds/minhyukkus
Summary: Minhyuk hasn't seen stars in the city until he meets Lee Jooheon





	the stars don't shine as bright as you

**Author's Note:**

> My first fill for Joohyuk Bingo!!  
> for the city life square

**_“_ _Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.”_ **

It’s always been hard for Minhyuk to fall asleep. Something he’s struggled with since he was younger. Before, he could look up at the stars and count them until his eyes grew tired enough to droop closed. Even if his mind still wandered.

When he moved to the city, his nightly ritual changed. It had to. Minhyuk could barely count any stars because the lights were far too bright. His mother let him walk around their new apartment the first few years. When he grew older, he takes to walking. Slow steps, steady steps. Down alleys, and streets with names and those with no names. Past apartments he can’t afford and buildings that made him feel closed.  

“Are you scoping out the place?”

Minhyuk looks up, startled at the sound of any voice past 3am. His eyes lock with light brown ones, so warm they remind him of honey. “Sorry?”

He can barely make out more than just the face of the man peering over the balcony. He’s pale and despite his powerful voice, looked scared. “Are you trying to rob the place here? We’re all broke students, man.”

Minhyuk shrugs, all smiles. “I’m just walking.”

“At 3am?”

“At 3am.”

The man above him pauses for a second, as if he’s appraising the situation better. Finally, it seems he either believes Minhyuk, or is too tired to care otherwise.

Minhyuk continues his nightly stroll.

 //

“This is why I told you to stop walking in the middle of the night.”

Kihyun’s scolding doesn’t affect him like they did in university. Instead, Minhyuk only waves a hand dismissively at the other, coffee becoming cold on the table. The chatter in the small cafe is only minimal, the lull of early mornings still in the air.

“Seriously, what if he called the cops?” Kihyun prods from across the table. His fingers tap against the coffee mug, a nervous habit he’d picked up after years with Minhyuk. It’s better than biting nails, Minhyuk determines, looking down at his own chewed off ones.

“Did he?” There’s a grin that hangs off the last word.

Kihyun groans loud enough that others look their way. “That’s not what I’m saying!” he hisses, ears tinged red. “What if he had?”

“But he didn’t,” Minhyuk responds easily.

Minhyuk knows he’s won when Kihyun rolls his eyes. Probably best for Kihyun because Minhyuk had no intention of losing this time.

“You’re coming tonight, right?” Kihyun asks. His voice is a little higher pitched, worried about the answer.

“To your boyfriend’s DJ gig?” Minhyuk asks. He grins when Kihyun sputters at the newfound label. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

Kihyun is quiet for awhile. “Please be nice.”

“You say this like I’m mean.”

The brunet tilts his head to the side, brows raised. “You are.”

“I’m honest.”

Kihyun sighs. “Brutally.”

 //

Kihyun’s boyfriend, or Hyungwon, as he is more commonly known, is taller than even Minhyuk. It’s the first thing he realizes when he met the man two months ago. Back then, he hated him.

The second, of course, being that Kihyun looks almost like an infant. If Kihyun cares for his comments, he doesn’t let it show, too enthralled by the low, husky voice of his said boyfriend. Minhyuk sips on his cola, head bopping lightly to the beat of the music.

“You like it?” Hyungwon asks, a lazy arm draped around Kihyun. It takes Minhyuk a moment to answer as he watches his best friend’s lips spread into a wide smile.

“Like what?”

Hyungwon tilts his head towards the DJ booth. “The music.” Hyungwon barely raises his voice, but it still carries.

Minhyuk shrugs. “It’s nice. I don’t know the song though.” The music is so loud, Minhyuk feels like he’s nearly screaming to be heard.

Hyungwon chuckles, placing his empty water bottle on the table. “It’s all original. It’s his own stuff.”

“He’s usually a duo,” Kihyun yells over the music. “But Changkyun, his partner, isn’t here today.”

“He has his radio slot tonight,” Hyungwon supplies. He rubs Kihyun’s back affectionately. “This is his last set and then I’m up.”

Minhyuk doesn’t say much and he’s thankful for the pleasure in these simple conversations. “Are we gonna hear some sexy beats?”

Hyungwon grins. “It’s always sexy since I’m sexy.”

When Kihyun laughs, Minhyuk’s is automatically pulled out as well. The taller man walks towards the DJ booth, avoiding the drunks in an intricate dance. Minhyuk tugs his eyes away from him to focus on his friend again.

“You seems really happy with him, Ki,” Minhyuk says.

Kihyun beams. “I am.” He looks to say more, probably more concerning words, when he’s halted by a newcomer barreling into their table.

“Hey Kihyun,” the man breathes, loudly. “Hyungwon said I could hang here.”

He wears a yellow hoodie over black skinny jeans. The hood is pulled up, but Minhyuk can still make out a black beanie underneath. His eyes are warm, like honey.

Minhyuk openly stares.

“Why are you so--” Kihyun starts, then shakes his head. “Nevermind. Doesn’t matter. Minhyuk, this is--”

“Hey, you’re nightwalker man!” the newcomer yells, pulling a chair closer to the table. He turns to look at Kihyun, wide eyed. “Hey Kihyun, what gives? This guy was staking out my place to steal from!”

The flush is evident on Minhyuk’s face, so much so that he can feel it. “I wasn’t--”

“What do you mean, staking out your place?” Kihyun interrupts.

“So, I wake up at 3 to take a piss,” the boy starts, ignoring the grimace on Kihyun’s face. “And I notice this guy in my alley.” He points to Minhyuk.

Kihyun laughs. “He’s not a burglar.”

“I’m not a burglar!”

The honey eyes blink.

“Jooheon,” the newcomer supplies when the pout on Minhyuk’s face is unbearable. He holds out his hand as if he hadn’t insulted Minhyuk already.

“Minhyuk.”

There’s a saying about lovers. That they feel a spark. Minhyuk feels it when he shakes Jooheon’s hand. His eyes widen a bit, but Jooheon seems unfazed.

Kihyun makes small introductions of the pair. “My best friend,” Kihyun says. “Despite his weirdness.”

“I’m his best friend by default. He doesn’t have any other friends,” Minhyuk says with a snort.

“But I’m his friend.” Jooheon says it with such earnest and certainty, Minhyuk’s mind reels. Kihyun laughs beside him, beer bottle hanging loosely from his fingertips.

Minhyuk blinks. “I’m _joking_.”

“That’s not a very kind joke.”

“Kihyun’s not a very kind person.”

Minhyuk thinks that things will go south from there and yet, Jooheon grins a second later and Minhyuk’s sure he’s been blinded by a star.

“It’s because he hasn’t gotten laid in awhile.”

Not even Hyungwon’s music can save Kihyun’s dignity. “That’s not--” Kihyun coughs before setting his beer down. “It’s not--” He finally gives up. “Well, it’s not wrong.”

Jooheon turns his attention back to Minhyuk. “It’s because I keep asking Hyungwon to listen to my music.” He doesn’t elaborate much, although Minhyuk assumes listening to music takes a long time when it’s your actual job.

“Minhyuk liked your set,” Kihyun says before taking a sip of his beer.

Minhyuk’s not the kind to pine, but he feels a thrum in his heart every time Jooheon smiles. And now, when Jooheon looks at him, eyes wide in expectation, Minhyuk nearly crumbles.

“Y-yeah. Your music is really nice.” He hates the fumble in his voice. Not again. He can’t have this happen again.

“Really?” His voice jumps an octave. Minhyuk thinks it’s cute. “This is all my own stuff. Changkyun’s really busy with his radio and stuff, so I gotta run my music off someo--”

“Minhyuk was a music minor,” Kihyun interrupts.

Jooheon takes a swig of his beer before glancing at Kihyun. “Wow, you really wanna get laid, huh?”

KIhyun shrugs. “He reviews music for a living.”

Minhyuk grins. “I get paid to tell people their music sucks.”

Jooheon nods, face serious. “So, you’re honest.”

“Brutally.”

 //

Hyungwon’s set takes another hour and in that time, Minhyuk barely speaks. He listens as Jooheon talks about his music.

“Music is like a story, right?” He says after downing his third beer. “So I try to tell fun stories. My life’s pretty boring, so might as well make the music fun.” He looks over at Minhyuk with curious eyes. “How do you review music?”

Minhyuk shrugs. “I take the beat and see if it’s unique, something that’s interesting. See if I like the lyrics. More technical than meta.”

Kihyun hits his hand. “That’s not true. If you like the beat, you feel the music. That’s kinda meta.”

Minhyuk laughs. “Your boyfriend is rubbing off on you. If the technical bits mesh, then yeah, I _feel_ the music.”

Jooheon leans closer, brows scrunched together. “Are you always so cynical?”

Minhyuk leans over as well. “Yes.”

Jooheon hiccups. “That’s pretty lame, man.”

Kihyun guffaws. “He’s always lame.”

Minhyuk looks over at his friend, frowning. “You can’t say that, Mister ‘I cleaned my whole apartment for fun last Saturday.’” Minhyuk recorded the entire thing.

Kihyun opens his mouth to reply when Hyungwon slinks back. He wraps his arms around Kihyun from the back, leaning down to tap his chin to the top of Kihyun’s head.

The smile on Minhyuk’s face is soft and small.

“Ready to go?” Hyungwon asks. His fringe sticks to his forehead, sweaty from the heat of lights and the euphoria of being on stage. His fingers lightly rub against Kihuyn’s arms and Minhyuk feels like he’s intruding.

Kihyun glances back at Minhyuk, brows scrunched together. “I’m gonna stay longer,” Minhyuk replies to the unasked question. “But you two lovebirds go right ahead.”

“Jooheon?” Hyungwon asks as Kihyun rises from his seat. “What about you?” He wraps an arm around Kihyun’s waist as soon as the other is within reach.

Jooheon taps the mouth of his beer to his lips, in concentration. “Think I’m gonna stay awhile too. A bit too tipsy to head off anyway.”

The pair nod at them, exchanging loud goodbyes, before leaving. Jooheon scoots over to Kihyun’s seat, so he’s directly in front of Minhyuk.

“So what’s your deal? Are you like Edgar Allan Poe? Emo boy extraordinaire.”

Minhyuk chuckles, a sound heard even above the music. “I’m at least emo _man_ extraordinaire by now.”

“Uh huh. So you just like walkin’ around at night?” Jooheon takes another swig of his beer, his fourth if Minhyuk kept his count right. “It’s a little creepy, bro.”

“I dunno. I can’t really sleep sometimes, so I just go on a walk until I tire myself out.”

Jooheon taps the mouth of the beer bottle to his lower lip. “Huh. Have you tr--”

“I’ve tried melatonin and other medicated sleeping pills. It’s diagnosed insomnia, but I’ve figured out what I need to do.”

Jooheon laughs. “You get told the same thing a lot?”

Minhyuk shrugs. “People care. I’m grateful. But I can take care of myself.”

They stay a little longer before Minhyuk can see the weariness in Jooheon’s eyes. He’s still wide awake, heart beating so quickly as Jooheon leans against him, as they weave their way out of the club. He feels the jolt up his spine. When the first gush of fresh air hits his face as soon as they step outside, Minhyuk sighs in relief.

“Not a fan of people?” Jooheon asks.

Minhyuk shakes his head. “Not a fan of small spaces.”

“Oh.”

Minhyuk holds Jooheon steady as the other straightens up, inhaling deeply to regain some sanity. When Jooheon’s eyes open, Minhyuk feels lost in the cosmos.

“You need some help getting home?” Minhyuk asks.

“As long as it’s...” He pauses, staring hard at the other. “All right.”

“Of course.”

They exchange numbers that night. Jooheon wants to hear more of everything Minhyuk has to say and Minhyuk just wants to see stars in the city again.

 //

**_“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.”_ **

Minhyuk texts first.

 

> MH: So qq. r ur ringtones your own music?
> 
> JH: I’m confident not cocky
> 
> MH: r u trying to convince me or urself
> 
> JH: <send audio file: rhythm.mp3>

Minhyuk laughs out loud when he hears the lyrics of the song.

> MH: U gonna murder?? who??
> 
> JH: uve already murdered my patience
> 
> MH: stop hanging out with kihyun
> 
> MH: it’s good tho
> 
> MH: could work out to it
> 
> JH: u look like u couldn’t lift a milk gallon

Minhyuk pauses; just briefly and then his fingers fly over the keypad.

> MH: i could lift u

It’s flirty. He knows it is. It doesn’t take Jooheon long to answer, so Minhyuk can only assume that he doesn’t understand.

> JH: SURE

Minhyuk sets his phone aside and walks towards his balcony. The glass door gets stuck like so many times before he’s finally able to open it.

It’s annoying. Not able to see stars in the city.

He wasn’t planning on taking a walk tonight. It’s chillier than he likes, but he’s still wide awake and he needs the tiring out. He never knows where he’s going, but today his feet walk with a purpose, like they know exactly where to take him.

He berates himself when he walks past Jooheon’s place. He can’t let it happen again. Minhyuk raises his head, like he’s looking up at the non-existent stars. Instead he notices the light in Jooheon’s apartment.

He expends most of his energy that night not calling him up.

 //

_**“Sleep, those little slices of death — how I loathe them.”** _

Minhyuk brushes the crumbs off his lap, pulling up one leg as he grabs the controller again. He uses his knuckle to push up his glasses before continuing his game. His toes tap against his chair as he narrowly misses being killed.

The phone buzzes beside him and Minhyuk doesn’t even bother pausing the game or saving it, he shuts it off. It’s Jooheon. 

> JH: r  u up
> 
> MH: yeah why

Minhyuk balances his phone on the tips of his fingers, waiting for another buzz.

> JH: it’s 432am why r u awake
> 
> MH: ur?? Awake too??
> 
> JH: bc i have work
> 
> MH: barista?
> 
> JH: wow bro. Stockbroker
> 
> MH: oh so ur the devil
> 
> JH: incarnate, thank u v much
> 
> JH: can i send u some music?
> 
> MH: ofc
> 
> JH: <send audio file: kang_baekho.mp3>

Minhyuk lets it play as soon as it downloads. The beat is better, he likes it more than the previous song.

> MH: I like it

The phone rings this time.

“I thought you said you were brutally honest,” Jooheon chides him.

Minhyuk laughs. “That was me being honest. I like it. More than the other song you sent.”

Jooheon pauses on the other line. Minhyuk can hear the faint sound of him moving around. “Tell me more.”

“I like the aggression,” Minhyuk says. “It makes it feel really raw. Your flow, I think, is unrivalled, Jooheon. It’s incredible.”

He can hear a sharp intake of breath. “You said... you said you’d be honest.”

Minhyuk frowns. “What on earth gives you the idea I’m not being honest?”

“I don’t mean-- It’s just... I thought you’d be meaner...”

Minhyuk shoves the crust into his mouth. “Stop listening to Kihyun.” He tosses the pizza box in his trash can, the lid barely closing. “The ending is abrupt, but I can’t really find any other fault in the song.” _Or you._

 _No._ Minhyuk shakes his head. He can’t think like that again.

“Okay!” Jooheon seems happier, despite the early hour. “Thanks, Minhyuk!”

_Don’t say my name like that. Like I make you happy._

Minhyuk mumbles something incoherent and hangs up. His heart sighs.

 //

_**“And so being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy.”** _

He sends him a song called Runway next. This one deserves a home visit, Jooheon says, excitement bubbling off his voice. Minhyuk invites him over for very greasy takeout.

Minhyuk says, “I like it,” before he’s even heard the first words. He hums along to it gently on the second listen, head bobbing in tune with the rhythm.

Minhyuk is quiet on the third and fourth listen. “You have so much passion, Jooheon. It really shows.” Half bitten fingernails tap against the keyboard. “I really like this one.”

“You say you like all my stuff,” Jooheon whines, as if he minds.

Minhyuk laughs, standing up to get the takeout. “What else can I do if I like all your music?” He walks back to the kitchen, softly singing along to the music. He thinks the red dusted on Jooheon’s face is from the heat in his apartment.

“How come you didn’t pursue music?” Jooheon asks. He’s perched on the sofa, watching as Minhyuk puts the takeout on plates.

“Didn’t think I was good enough.”

Jooheon is quiet for a moment. Minhyuk doesn’t want to turn and see his expression. “Kihyun showed me some of your old singing videos.”

Minhyuk looks over in surprise, the grease from the noodles running down his arm. “From high school?”

Jooheon nods. “And college.” He pauses. “Kihyun thinks you have a really nice voice.” He says it like he knows.

Minhyuk snorts. “I would never say this to his face,” he starts. “But he’s one of the kindest people I know.”

“Why wouldn’t you say that to his face,” Jooheon says, confused.

“Yoo Kihyun doesn’t need his ego getting any bigger.”

Jooheon pauses again. “Well, I think your voice sounds really nice too.”

Minhyuk’s laugh is light. “Thank you. It’s too late for me to pursue it anyway. So I enjoy listening to these up and comers.” He sets Jooheon’s plate down on the coffee table before sitting down beside him, with no regard for personal space despite the angry yelling in his brain. “And this way, I get to live a part of it.”

Jooheon grabs a pair of wooden chopsticks, not trusting Minhyuk’s clean steel ones. “Minhyuk, that’s sad.”

The elder blinks. “Why?”

“Because you’re good.” Jooheon doesn’t like to touch others or be touched, but he places a hand on Minhyuk’s arm. His face blank despite the zing that shoots through Minhyuk.

“I’m decent.”

“No, I know decent, and you’re better than that.” His eyes are so earnest, Minhyuk nearly believes him. “Much better. Your voice is so smooth and gentle.”

Minhyuk flushes at the praise.

Jooheon removes his hand and chews thoughtfully. “I just think you have a real shot.”

Minhyuk swallows hard. “Thank you.” He exhales the cold air trapped in his lungs.

 //

_**“Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.”** _

“You seem happier,” Kihyun comments as Minhyuk gets settled across from him.

“Ah?”

“Yeah.” The ends of Kihyun’s lips curl up. “Definitely.”

Minhyuk snorts as he sets up his number on the table for the waiter. “Must be because I haven’t seen you in so long.” He places his phone next to him on the table.

“Too busy hanging out with Jooheon, huh?”

Minhyuk blinks. “What.”

Kihyun shrugs, smiling gently. “He seems to make you really... happy, man.” His voice is coated in affection. For _him_. As if he knows Minhyuk is hurting.

The waiter comes by with Minhyuk’s order. Minhyuk thanks him, pulling out the fork and knife from the packet.

“I suppose.”

Kihyun sighs. “Minhyuk, seriously.” This time his voice is dripping with sadness.

“What, seriously.”

Kihyun taps the table with his nail. “If he makes you happy, do something about it!” Heads turn in their direction.

Minhyuk takes a bite of his pasta, ignoring the heat on his cheeks. “About what?”

Kihyun sighs, resignedly. “How long are you gonna be a coward?”

“I’m not a coward.”

“You felt it,” Kihyun accuses, stabbing his fork into the salad.

“And he didn’t.”

Kihyun’s lips thin into a straight line.

“He didn’t so there’s no real point in me confessing if he’s not even...” Minhyuk feels sick. “If he’s not even _mine_.” The pasta tastes bland in his mouth.

The other clears his throat. “You never cared about soulmates before, Minhyuk.” He says it like a reminder.  
Minhyuk laughs. _I’ve always cared._ “There’s not point in falling in love with someone that’s not meant for me.”

“You haven’t even _tried_ to fall in love! Even if he has a soulmate, don’t you want to feel that?”

Minhyuk sets his fork down. “I have.” _And I can’t feel that pain again_.

Kihyun doesn’t ask.

 //

**_“And all I loved, I loved alone.”_ **

Jooheon gives up on texting when he realizes Minhyuk truly does not sleep much. He asks before coming over the first few times, but now shows up unannounced with pizza. Minhyuk takes the pizza before he lets him in.

“How come...” Jooheon pauses. “How come you smile so sad?”

Minhyuk looks up from his laptop, startled. “What.”

“You look sad. Like whenever... I dunno. You just. Look sad.”

Minhyuk tilts his head to the side. “I am not sad.”

“I didn’t say you were. I said you look sad.”

Minhyuk looks back at his laptop, but he isn’t typing anymore.

“Actually. It seems like every time... you.. Well, I mean. When you l--”

“When I look at Kihyun, I look sad. Is that it?” Minhyuk finishes. It’s not as if he’s ever been good at hiding it.

Jooheon inhales sharply. “Yeah.”

“I fell in love with him a long time ago. I’m over it now, but sometimes I think of the what if’s.”

“Over it.”

Minhyuk begins typing again. “Over it.”

“Did he know?”

“I never told him.” Minhyuk hits the keys harder. “

“Why not?”

“I felt a spark and it was pretty evident he didn’t.”

Jooheon stills and Minhyuk can only hear his own breathing and the clacking of the keys.

“He’s your--”

“No,” Minhyuk answers harshly. He stops typing to turn and face Jooheon completely. “He’s Hyungwon’s. They both felt it. Both of them.” Minhyuk turns back to his laptop. Perhaps he’s just... defunct.

 //

They worm into each other’s lives because of Kihyun and Hyungwon, and yet, Minhyuk is certain he’s seen Jooheon more times this week than Kihyun. He doesn’t mind and perhaps that’s why it’s all wrong.

“How many stairs are there?!” Jooheon exclaims, following behind Minhyuk. The stairs are narrow and Minhyuk knows this is mean when there’s an elevator nearby.

“We’re almost there!”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Jooheon snaps. Then, a far less angry, much more scared, “Also, it’s dark.”

Minhyuk pauses, turning around, slightly. “Wanna hold my hand?” He says it as a joke, but Jooheon grabs his chance and and Minhyuk’s hand. Minhyuk tries to mask his face when a jolt shoots through him.

“Follow me,” he says, quietly.

And Jooheon does. His steps are more sure as he follows after the elder, body close, as if he really is fearful.

“This is the only place in the city I can actually see the stars,” Minhyuk says when they reach the top. _Besides in your eyes._

He opens the door to the roof, holding it open for Jooheon to step through. The tower is only 15 minutes out of the city, but it’s high enough that the lights don’t shine brighter than the stars.

“It’s the one thing I hate about the city. You can’t see any stars.”

Jooheon moves beside him, hands clenched to the railing. The night air is brisk, the sky the blackest it’s ever been without the shine of the moon. “Sometimes the lights are like stars.”

Minhyuk looks at him from the side. _He doesn’t know._ “Spoken like a true city slicker.”

Jooheon grins. “You moved from the countryside?”

“Yeah. Back in middle school.” Minhyuk looks up at the stars. “Haven’t been back in awhile.”

“So you’re a country bumpkin.”

The corner of Minhyuk’s lips quirk. “So you’re a city slicker. Don’t even know about the stars.”

“Well, it looks like you’re teaching me.”

Minhyuk’s hands still against the railing. He doesn’t take his eyes off the sky. A heat gushes against his cheeks and he’s grateful for the colder air.

He doesn’t answer Jooheon.

He’s shaken from his thoughts when he can feel Jooheon’s breath.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Minhyuk blinks. “I guess I miss home and seeing the stars for real.” The twinkle of the stars above do nothing to mask the star beside him.

“Wanna go?”

“Huh?”

Jooheon’s eyes are warm, filled with affection Minhyuk isn’t sure what to do with. “Back to your home!”

 _No._ “Yes.”

It’s a three hour drive and Jooheon only plays his own music, aching for praise that Minhyuk is all too willing to give.

“This is Red Carpet,” he says as Minhyuk weaves through the highway. The tune is light and upbeat, vastly different from Rhythm, Kang Baek Ho, and Runway.

“It’s different from the others you sent me.”

“I’m experimenting.”

Minhyuk glances at him. “It’s great. Very relaxing. I need to listen to this after work or something.”

Jooheon beams.

Minhyuk hits the repeat button and sings along to the song softly as they glide past pastures and corn. Jooheon’s smile is a blinding star the whole ride there. Minhyuk thinks it’s like he’s in a galaxy all his own.

“This is called grass,” Minhyuk says, pointing off the road. “Now, you city slickers might not know this, but grass helps feed animals, like cows. That’s where your burgers come from.”

“Interesting,” Jooheon remarks. “These cows, now. Do they eat a certain kind of grass or just anything?”

Minhyuk isn’t able to force down his smile. “I reckon they don’t like that city slop.”

The drive seems shorter than it should have. Minhyuk regrets that. And he regrets feeling that. _Not again_.

Minhyuk guides the car towards the hill he used to visit. It used to be the perfect place to see the stars until he stood beside one.

Minhyuk leans his head back on the cool grass when they reach the top of the hill (“Why are you always making me climb things?”), settling next to Jooheon.

“What constellation is that?” Jooheon asks, pointing up.

“Huh.”

Jooheon wraps his hand around Minhyuk’s, guiding him to trace the right stars. He says something, but Minhyuk can’t hear anything over the sound of electricity pumping through him with the strong touch. His heart shatters against his chest, struggling to keep his composed.

“That’s ... the uh... That’s Ursa Major.”

“Really?” Jooheon asks as their hands fall back against the grass. He doesn’t move away.

Minhyuk fakes a laugh. “No idea.”

The stars are so bright tonight, but Minhyuk can’t see past the one beside him.

Jooheon chuckles nervously, their hands clasped together tightly. “Hey...” he says softly, his breath turning to mist in the cold air. “Have you e--”

_No._

Minhyuk can’t have this happen again.

 _Stop_.

The phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Kihyun,” he says apologetically, quickly reading the text.

Jooheon retracts his hand, the warmth subsiding as quickly as it came.

Minhyuk turns his head to the side, and see Jooheon already watching him. The younger flushes, but doesn’t turn away.

“Checking in on you?”

Minhyuk nods, the grass tickling the back of his neck. “Yeah.” Jooheon reaches out, hesitantly with his pinky finger.

Minhyuk pulls his hand back on his stomach and Jooheon turns away. They drive back in silence at 2am.

 //

_**“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”** _

The city is too bright. The lights too much and Minhyuk hasn’t seen stars all week. He ignores the burning of his hands, aching to send a text or to call.

_He’s not mine._

He walks around the block and wherever his feet take him, but it’s always _there_. Always where it shouldn’t be. He hates it, he hates it, he hates it. Minhyuk turns before he can step foot on Jooheon’s ground. He knows he deserves someone of his own. He can’t keep aching for those who aren’t meant to be his.

He’s addicted, Minhyuk realizes. To the star that is one Lee Jooheon. To the boy who shines so bright in the sky. His feet take him to Jooheon’s apartment block before his mind even registers it. And Minhyuk, played like a fool by his heart again, only stares at the ground in the alley behind Jooehon’s apartment.

_How long are you gonna be a coward?_

Minhyuk frowns. For how long?

He turns around, sprinting back home.

 //

_**“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”** _

It’s been weeks since he’s last seen a star. Minhyuk ignores even Kihyun. It’s easier to fall into moments like this. Moments when he’s at a loss and battling against every control of his body. He can’t help it if he’s defunct. He shouldn’t keep falling for other people’s soulmates; he should be falling for his own.

It’s 2am and his body is exhausted, but he’s too afraid to close his eyes. He swears he’s hearing things when he hears a frenzied knocking. He glances at the clock again. 2:03am. He only opens the door to check, to make sure he’s not crazy.

Jooheon stands in his hallway, bouncing on his toes. Minhyuk blinks. Once, and again for good measure.

He’s blinded by the star in front of him.

Jooheon laughs nervously. “You look horrible.”

“Wh--”

Jooheon pushes his way in. “You weren’t responding to my texts. Kihyun sent me.”

“But why?”

Jooheon rounds on Minhyuk, shutting the door quietly. “Because I care.” He holds up a bag. “I got sweet potatoes. Your favorite.”

Minhyuk frowns. “How do y--”

“Because I care, Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk’s lips tug even lower.

_How long are you gonna be a coward?_

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Jooheon is quiet. He sets the bag on the floor. “Why not?”

MInhyuk squeezes his eyes shut. Not wanting to look at Jooheon. “Because you didn-- Because I fe--” He deflates with each word.

Jooheon rests a hand on Minhyuk elbow, guiding him to sit. Minhyuk jumps at the shock.

“You know, Minhyuk,” he starts softly. “I know a lot of things about you.”

Minhyuk looks over at his suspiciously.

“I know you have a younger brother. I know you can’t swim. I know you’re a fake country bumpkin.” Minhyuk opens his mouth to protest, but Jooheon wags a finger. “I know you shower once a week. You like cafe latte, you like ice cream. You love pizza and,” he points to his bag, “Sweet potatoes.”

He doesn’t say more.

Minhyuk shifts his weight slightly. “Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I like you.”

“No.”

Jooheon squints. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

Minhyuk sighs, falling onto the sofa. He hates being broken.

“Did you feel a spark when our hands touched?”

Jooheon frowns. “Soulmates? I didn’t peg you for a soulmates kind of person.”

“Answer the question, Jooheon.”

The younger glares. “No, but that doesn’t mea--”

“It does!” Minhyuk shouts this louder than he intends. He puts his head in hands, fingers tangled in his own hair. “It does because... because _I_ did.”

Jooheon doesn’t say anything.

At first.

“I don’t care about sparks and soulmates.”

Minhyuk looks up at him with a wry grin. “You will when you feel the spark with someone else.”

“No.” Jooheon closes his eyes for a second and then opens them again. Minhyuk feels lost in the cosmos. “No, because even though I didn’t feel it, I still _want_ you.”

Minhyuk’s chest burns of love scorned. “That’s because you haven--”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jooheon takes a step closer until they’re toe to toe. “Because I still like _you_.”

Some tension leaves Minhyuk’s shoulders. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Minhyuk sighs; he doesn't have so much energy to defy what the universe wants. “Okay.” 

And it is. Because Jooheon is willing to fight.

 //

It takes Minhyuk ages to learn how to be loved. He’s rather good at loving others, but Jooheon weaves a story the best he can to make Minhyuk feel love.

They’re defying the universe. Forcing it to kneel.

 //

Minhyuk’s picking at his cuticles again as the deadline for his review approaches closer by the hour.

Jooheon sighs, ready to scold him. He reaches out to grasp Minhyuk’s hands in his when he feels it and gasps.

Minhyuk looks over with a raised brow. Two years in and he’s used to the shocks.

Jooheon is not.

“What?”

The electricity soars through his veins. Jooheon’s eyes light up like stars. He reaches for Minhyuk’s hand again, determined. It happens again. And again. And again.

Jooheon says it so quickly, Minhyuk is sure he’s heard wrong, but Jooheon says it again. And again. And again.

Minhyuk’s heart jerks.

Everyone deserves a soulmate.

Jooheon leans in to press a kiss to his lips. And again. And again.

They made the universe kneel.

  


**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments are always appreciated!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/minhyukkus)


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